A how to guide

Giving pets worm medicine Our dog: Dose= 2 pills Find dog: Here Willow, here Willow Dog comes Sit Pill #1 wrapped in cheese (American) Place pill in dog’s mouth Dog drops on floor Eat your treat Willow Dog eats pill disguised in cheese Repeat Our cat: Dose = 2 pills Day 1 Find cat: Here Pounce, here Pounce Hmmm, doesn’t come/no surprise Search house: sun-porch, living room, basement, bedrooms – success, sleeping on my pillow (gross) Hold cat in one arm and attempt to put pill in mouth Tries to bite and scratch, spits out pill, hisses, runs Day 1 Plan B Husband, daughter, and friend home Find cat: Same scenario, now sleeping on chair Person 1: Hold cat in left arm securing his front legs with left hand and prying open mouth with right hand Person 2: Hold onto back legs Person 3: Pop pill into cat’s mouth and massage it down his throat while person 1 holds mouth shut Person 4: Back-up Cat tries to bite and scratch, spits out pill, hisses, repeat attempts at reinsertion result in foaming at mouth, more biting, injury to person 1 as person 2 drops back legs, eventual failure and cat runs off – person 3 swearing profusely at cat and vowing expulsion from household Day 2 Plan C Crush pill in food bought especially to delight cat (Fancy Feast tuna medley supremo) Find cat: Hiding under bed Isolate cat with food in laundry room Shut door Check on in 1 hour to ensure food consumed Fast forward: one hour, no progress 4 hours, still no progress Cat looks hungry/annoyed but won’t eat, purrs for kibble Go to bed 12 hours, still no progress Cat looks very hungry/more annoyed but won’t eat tainted pill food, purrs loudly for kibble, rubs against ankles Go to work 20 hours, still no progress Cat looks pissed, ears back, hissing now, really wants kibble, tries to bite ankles Go to bed 36 hours, tainted pill food still untouched Cat is ready for action, bolts out the door hissing when opened, ears back, eyes black, hair raised We are scared and open door to outside, cat runs out, beware small animals there is a predator on the loose! Dog eats tainted cat food and later vomits Husband discovers on way to bathroom during the night Day 6 Plan C Drive back to vet for more pills Find cat: He came inside eventually, figuring we have regained our sanity and will feed him his normal kibble Wrap cat in large towel making sure he is securely swaddled and that all 4 of his legs are firmly strapped down Person 1: Place on kitchen counter and hold cat tightly in the towel with left arm- prying open mouth with right hand Person 2: Help to press down cat wrapped in towel to kitchen counter – wipe cat’s mouth foam as needed Person 3: Don welding gloves and pop pill into cat’s mouth holding mouth shut with other gloved hand Person 4: Retrieve pill spit out onto counter and pass to person 3 Repeat until successful, we are resolved to succeed!! Repeat with pill no. 2 Addendum Apply antibiotic ointment and Band-Aids to person 1 who got bit by cat Apologize to friend for foul language used while deploying plan Search for cat who ran off into neighborhood shortly after taking pills Get another dog? Disclaimer No pets were injured or abused during these procedures We cannot say the same for the humans